The UFC makes its first stop in Belo Horizonte, Brazil, tonight for an extraordinarily cursed card that, let’s face it, we probably wouldn’t be watching if it wasn’t our job. Wanderlei Silva is fighting Rich Franklin again, this time at a 190-pound catchweight. (Also known as “middleweight plus.”) Fabricio Werdum is battling fellow big-man Mike Russow. And some guys from TUF Brazil are fighting too, although not all of the ones who should be. It is what it is. I’m guessing that very few of you will be buying this card, but if you’re out doing something more interesting tonight, please use your smart phones to follow along when you can.
Handling the thankless liveblog duties for this evening is Anthony Gannon, who will be layin’ down round-by-round updates from the UFC 147 pay-per-view main card after the jump, beginning at 10 p.m. ET. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest. And to prevent this from becoming the least-commented CagePotato liveblog of all time, I encourage you to use the comments section to discuss anything that comes to mind. Seriously, it doesn’t have to be UFC related. I’ll give you a topic to start off with: Germany invaded Poland earlier today. Do you think America should get involved?
Please stand by…
UFC 146, son! Bring on the wings, Natty Ice, and some of dem ho’s, cause I’m fittin’ to lose my mind. Up in here. Up in here. Oh wait, UFC 146 was last month. This is UFC 147, ya know, the one that should be free on the FUEL channel no one gets, right after All-Star Bass Fishing. Yep, they only bring me out for the important shit.
I’m not going to go so far as to say that UFC 147 is a suck-ass card, per se, but it’s certainly not worthy of $ 50. Hell, that Grant can be used to buy so many other things: a night of serious drinking at the local bar (happy hour of course), an intimate dinner for two at Denny’s, or, if you’re fortunate enough to find a massage joint randy enough to specialize in over 50 masseuses, a nice rub n’ tug. Hey, don’t knock experience, bitch. That shit counts.
This card is so bad it’s rumored that the UFC didn’t even bother sending Rogan and Goldy down for it. Instead, Goldy’s role is being filled by a Magic 8 ball with uber-white bottom teeth programmed with redundant phrases like, “These guys train hard, Joe.” Rogan will be replaced with a hologram set to repeat, “Nice leg kick” every 19 seconds.
Previously scheduled to be Silva vs. Vitor Belfort, this is a much better fight for Wandy. Rich Franklin is a bad dude, but he aint a killer like Vitor. I know we all love Wandy n’ all, but let’s be honest, Vitor would give him a severe beating ala Colonel Braddock on General Yin. It wasn’t that Yin was a chump. Quite the contrary. But Braddock was just a much better fighter, plus Yin put a rat in a bag and tied it to Braddock’s head, while hanging him upside down with his hands tied behind his back. Such acts tend to have a lasting effect on people and make them a tad vengeful. Incidentally, seven years of confinement, torture, and malnutrition didn’t much affect Braddock physically as he was able to easily beat Yin to death before he bounced up outta that piece.
Anyway, if recent history is any indication, though, tonight’s fights should be kick ass. The worse a card looks on paper, the better the fights are. It’s like a cosmological joke, or something. So let’s get pumped for a phenomenal card, because hot DAMN does this one look like dog shit.
We begin with a scan of the crowd, and they look fired up. Apparently no one told the Brazilians that this is a weak card. Rogan and Goldy play up the significance of the main event. And it’s very difficult to take Rich Franklin seriously when that hair makes him look like Lloyd Christmas.
Yuri Alcantara vs. Hacran Dias
Holy shit, Buffer busts out some Portuguese.
Round 1: God Arianny is hot. Here we go. Yuri fakes a kick. He charges forward, Dias pushes him into the cage, going for a trip, eventually gets it. He peppers Yuri with a few shots. Dias looking to take Yuri’s back. Now he’s on top, looking for a head and arm triangle, but the cage is in his way. Yuri is out of trouble, but still has Dias on top of him. Dias blasts him with an elbow. Yuri is up, but Dias slams him back to the mat. He’s in Yuri’s full guard. Dias controlling Yuri, but not doing much damage. Now Dias lands a few good ones. Yuri reverses out and is on Dias’ back, kneeing him in the ass. Dias has a standing Kimura, and they break. They end the round by trading kicks.
Round 2: Flying knee by Dias, skims Yuri. Yuri misses a hook. Dias misses a leg kick. Yuri lands a body kick and clinches, tries to take Dias down but ends up on the bottom. Shitty break. Dias working the body. Lands a decent elbow. Yuri goes for an armbar, looks pretty nasty, but Dias is out. He jumps back into Yuri’s guard. Yuri looks eerily relaxed down there. Someone needs to tell him he’s losing this fight. Dias passes to half guard. Yuri is back to his feet. Dias is having none of that and takes him down again. He’s in half guard, trying to pass to mount, but Yuri is hanging tough. Dias is dropping elbows, mostly being blocked. They get stood up for lack of action. Dias with a front kick. Yuri with a nice straight left, but he’s now down two rounds to none.
Round 3: Yuri looks like someone gave him a lude. He needs to get going. He lands a shot. Then misses a combo. Yuri lands a kick. Dias to the body in return, then hits a leg kick. Yuri misses with a huge bomb. Dias kicks the body, Yuri catches it and shrugs it off. Leg kick checked by Yuri. Dias has Yuri against the cage, scores another takedown. He peppering Yuri with little shots to the head. Yuri is up, and Dias plants him yet again. He’s in Yuri’s guard, and the crowd is getting restless. They get stood up again. Now with 40 seconds left, Yuri comes alive. He’s on top, in half guard, lands some decent shots. Too little too late, more than likely. We go to the judges.
Dias wins unanimous decision, 29-28, 30-27, and 30-27.
Next up is Fabricio Werdum vs. Mike Russow
Russow roles out to ‘Simple Man.’ Sweet.
While we have a minute, walkout music needs to be addressed. It pretty much sucks ass and is getting progressively worse. Why wouldn’t a guy come out to ‘Run to the Hills’ by Iron Maiden? That song makes me want to drop indiscriminant bombs on unsuspecting villagers. Some of these songs make me want to snuggle up on the couch with a Marcel Proust novel and a cup of hot cocoa. With marshmallows. I’m just waiting for someone to come out to Air Supply. Granted, one would be hard pressed to find a lovelier tune than ‘I’m All Outta Love,’ but you’re only supposed to listen to that shit in the confines of your car with the windows securely shut, like any decent person. This issue is imperative to the future of the sport and needs to be addressed at the next fighter summit.
Round 1: Herb Dean is the ref and we’re set to go. Russow charges forward with a couple short jabs. Werdum grabs Russow and delivers a knee. They clinch, and separate. Russow with a nice hook. Werdum with a huge leg kick, then a left to the face. He lands a right too. A big uppercut drops Russow, and Werdum commences to batter Russow’s head with hammer fists. Herb kindly steps in and halts the action.
Russow is a tough guy, but this is what happens when you match a part time fighter against a Top 10 heavyweight.
Werdum takes home a TKO victory at 2:28 of the first round.
Godofredo Pepev vs. Rony Mariano is up next.
Rony is crying on his way to the cage, wearing a Jason mask to boot. Very cool contrast of emotions.
See this is what I’m talking about. Fredo rolls out to Disturbed. Nice.
These cats are scrapping to be the featherweight TUF: Brazil winner. Mike Goldberg gives us a sociology lesson on humble beginnings and what winning this would mean.
Round 1: Fredo pushes forward with a right, clinches Rony against the cage. He delivers a knee. Rony answers with a knee of his own. Fredo charges again, has Rony against the cage. Fredo actually pulls guard. He’s looking for a Kimura. Rony is free. Fredo delivers a few punches to Rony’s back. Rony is just holding on for dear life. They get stood up. Rony misses a head kick by a mile, but lands a nice leg kick. Fredo jumps in and catches a flying knee to the grill. He then pulls guard again and lands a few elbows to the dome. Fredo is pretty active down there, but he ends the round on the bottom.
Round 2: Leg kick by Fredo. Rony with a jab to the body. And another. Fredo misses a high kick, but lands a left. Another body jab by Rony. Rony misses an overhand right, and they tie up. Fredo pulls guard again. Rony finally realizes he’s allowed to strike from top position, lands an elbow. Fredo is up. Fredo charges forward wildly, and eats a coupe shots for his effort. Rony lands a nice left. Fredo with a leg kick. Rony kicks to the body, Fredo catches it and throws him off. Fredo lands a left hook, and a jab. Rony with a nice overhand right. Fredo misses a spinning back fist. Damn, Rony misses a wheel kick to end the round.